Thinking About My Ex Boyfriend - What To Do About It

You've probably caught your mind thinking about your ex boyfriend more often than you'd like to admit. No matter how hard you try to keep your mind occupied, you just can't stop thinking about him. Understanding why is a vital part of recovering from a breakup and learning to move on. The simple fact of the matter is that relationships have a tendency to worm their way into every part of our lives. They like to take over, and we become completely engrossed in them. We invest time, energy, attention and affection into one person and start imagining our future with them. We base our sense of happiness and self-satisfaction on the fact that we've found a partner to share our lives with.

When things go wrong, our entire sense of self seems to be dangling on a precipice. We're now disconnected from the one person we felt close to. Coming to terms with the reality of what has taken place is a hard but necessary step that must be taken to find closure.

Sometimes we can see a breakup coming, even if it's the last thing in the world that we want. It's always devastating; no matter how long we've had to prepare ourselves for the worst. Even if we acknowledge that a breakup is the best answer in a given set of circumstances, it still takes an emotional toll on us.

Everything about our lives feels different. The partner that we've depended on for support and stability is no longer there. It's normal to question where things went wrong and to wonder if we'll ever start to feel happy again. It's normal to question why thoughts of your ex still run rampant through your head. But those thoughts are completely natural. Moving forward is dependent on knowing why you're feeling the things you are, and coming to terms with the pain that you're experiencing.

If you're still thinking about him after a significant amount of time has passed, you may want to know why. Our hearts and minds don't often heal as quickly as we would like. It takes time to overcome emotional upheaval and to get to a place where we finally begin to feel steady. Women can think about their ex for months or years after a breakup, especially a difficult or sudden one. Everyone we meet makes an impression on us, and that is all the more true when it's someone we have invested in.

It's not something to worry about; it's simply a natural part of the process. Processes don't happen overnight. It's important to be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time you need to grieve your loss and prepare yourself for an uncertain future. Thinking back to times in our past that played a critical role in our present is a completely normal occurrence and it happens to everyone. The only time thinking about your ex should be cause for concern is when you have trouble thinking about anything else.

Look on the Bright Side

No matter how rough the actual breakup was, it's normal for the majority of your thoughts about your ex to be positive rather than negative. Although bitterness is a common emotion experienced during a breakup, it has a way of disappearing over time. Time alters the way that we remember things, and it can turn your ex from the ogre he was when you broke up to your knight in shining armor. He can seem nearly irresistible.

Emotions attached to a breakup are complicated and do not fall into specific cut and dry categories. Often the anger, frustration and pain that you experienced immediately following your breakup are replaced by thoughts that are warm and a panoramic view of all the good times the two of you shared together. You focus on the connection you used to have, and not on the way it was broken. If you allow these thoughts to take root without exercising caution, beware. They can easily take over your reality and make you forget all the bad aspects of your relationship that triggered the breakup to begin with. There's a reason that your relationship ended, and it's vital to keep that in mind when your mind starts to wander positively towards your ex.

Moving On

If you want to forget your ex and stop thinking about him, it is possible to move forward successfully. You have to train the way your brain works, and decide to think differently. This process will take time, but the result is worth the effort. Over time, it will become second nature and allow you to move on and leave the past behind you.

Start by consciously altering your train of thought whenever he comes to mind. If a song comes on the radio that reminds you of him, change the station. If he pops into your head while you're working, make yourself think of the tasks you have to complete by the end of the day. Take an active and assertive role in your thought process and don't leave it up to chance. Keep busy and keep your mind active as much as possible. The less time it has to wander, the easier it is to leave the past behind you.

What If I Want Him Back?

Many women decide that since they can't stop thinking about their ex, it's a sign that they're meant to be together and they start pursuing a relationship with him all over again. Before jumping to this conclusion, make sure that you have considered all the options available and don't set yourself up for failure. The issues that caused the breakup in the first place still exist beneath the surface and must be fixed before any relationship with him has a chance.

Don't make the decision to get him back again lightly, and make sure you're carefully thought out your choice. Make yourself remember the reality of the way things truly were toward the end of your time together - and not the romantic way that you remember them. Wishing for something doesn't make it happen. You're in a vulnerable place, and it is your responsibility to ensure that the proper steps are taken to protect yourself and your heart from further pain.

Next Steps

Learning to take control of your emotions is the next step towards rekindling your relationship. Understanding where they come from and why is just the beginning. It's imperative for you to know when to make contact with your ex, and what kind of contact that should be.

Certain methods are almost guaranteed to make him want you back, and will make the chances of a reconnection even more likely. Let him chase you, and don't chase him away in your attempts to pursue him. Understand the signs that he's giving you and determine if he really is interested in you still or not.

Source: http://www.streetarticles.com/reconnecting/thinking-about-my-ex-boyfriend-what-to-do-about-it

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